The issue with denial is that denial itself is denied. And this creates a roadblock to peace. The horrors of war are denied by too many. Further, people deny their complicity in the commission of these horrors. They just don’t want to know about it. It is as if denial actually caused reality to vanish.
But it doesn’t.
Denial is the practice of self-deception. We fool ourselves and because it is we who do it we ignore the fact that we are still being fooled all the same. It is a lie that we affirm personally to ourselves. This self-crippling adult behavior is something we were taught as children. And it is something that we still teach children.
We teach children this when we first command obedience and then demand remorse. These are not simple polite requests. They carry an explicit or implied experience of violence and pain. And then to top it off, children are forced to acknowledge that this is all done for their own good.
And so the self-deceit begins.
Regardless of how much fear and pain you experience, you are taught to smile and say the right thing. Your spontaneous love and wish to please your parents leaves you with no other alternative. You were born that way, as are all children. You hide your true feelings and respond as instructed.
You dissociate from your own feelings and inclinations, bury them, and reject your own true self. And with this repression you enter a dissociated frame of mind. This behavior is essentially what psychiatrists call sociopathic. It enables you to do horrible things.
It enables you to allow horrible things to be done in your name.
Some of us live long enough to grow past denial. We develop empathy and compassion. We become the advocates of peace, strong environment laws, funding for public schools and higher education, civil rights, women’s rights, gay rights, animal rights, universal health insurance, affordable housing and protection of Social Security. We remember our true selves.
Some of us don’t wish to remember. It is too painful. We stifle ourselves and lead lives of quiet desperation. We still wish to please the parental figures in our lives such as our church leaders, our schoolteachers and our government officials. We flash the quick smile and say the right thing. We obey even when they do horrible things.
We obey especially when they do horrible things.
And those who do horrible things are in denial. Their violence begins in a state of dissociation or detachment from the feelings, needs and wishes of their victims. This dissociation permits violence to begin and continue.
Their violence is perpetuated for the sake of their need to be obeyed. Their violence sows the seeds of another generation capable of performing violence in denial. They lie to themselves that the violence is for the good of the victims.
And they force their victims to agree.
They invoke hell as a path to heaven. They levy judgment for the sake of forgiveness. They abridge free speech to educate. They implement Democracy with Imperialism. They invade and occupy in the name of liberation and freedom. They say war is peace. They commit terror to end terror. They deny the facts of their actions.
They deny that they are sociopathic. They are sick people in need of therapy. They need help to remember their true selves. We need to help them remember with compassion and empathy. We must never forget that they too are victims. But we must also protect those who they would victimize.
We must protect this generation of children.
If we have yet to live longer than our denial then children must be protected from us. If you have not developed compassion and empathy you are not fit to interact with children. Equally, you are not fit to preach to a congregation or lead in government. And those of us who have developed empathy and compassion are obligated by our empathy and compassion.
We are obligated to ensure those in denial receive help. We are obligated to end the self-generating cycles of intimidation, violence and denial. We are obligated to forbid horrible things to be done in our name. Because if we don’t reform our leaders, protect all children and end violence now being done in our name we are in denial.
And if we deny denial, we deny the possibility of peace.
